Grieving during the holidays

Grieving during the holidays

Memorial to My Mom

I Believe

 I Believe….

Every now and then, 

soft as breath upon my skin,

I feel you come back again,

And it’s like you haven’t been 

gone a moment from my side ~

Like the tears were never cried,

Like the hands of time 

are holding you and me,

And with all my heart I’m sure 

we’re closer than we ever were

I don’t have to hear or see you ~ 

I’ve got all the proof I need ~

There are more than angels 

watching over me

I believe, oh I believe

Now when you die your life goes on ~

It doesn’t end here when you’re gone

It never ends, and if I’m right

Our love can even reach across eternity

I believe, oh I believe

Forever you’re a part of me

Forever in the heart of me

I would hold you even longer if I can

Oh the people who don’t see the most

Say that I believe in ghosts

If that makes me crazy, then I am
‘

Cause I believe

Oh yes, I believe

There are more than angels 

watching over me

I believe, oh I believe

Every now and then soft as breath 

upon my skin

I feel you come back again ~

And I believe.

My First Mother's Day

My First Mother's Day

On the first Mother's Day following the loss of my daughter, Annie, I went to a retreat at the convent.  This was a very hard time for me.  I had lost my mother when I was 18, but this year I was a mother but had no baby with me.

At Mass that morning Father talked about the bond between a mother and her child - how it is similar to the bond between Creator and creation. 

 I cried through the entire Mass.

After Mass, one of my dearest friends, Sister Angelina, brought me to the front parlor, she reached behind the door and pulled out 2 long stem roses, one with a pink bow and one with a red bow.  She said, "I think ALL mother's deserve roses on Mother's Day!"

She explained that the pink bow represented Annie and the red, my mother.  What a beautiful gift!  The roses were beautiful but the acknowledgement is the gift that I will treasure forever. 

A wonderful gift from a woman whom will never have biological children of her own, who knew the love and pain in my heart.  Some mothers are biological, others are Spiritual Mothers.  I have truly been blessed by great friends!

Mother's Day

My Beautiful Mother

Charlotte Banks Grannan

Gifts

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Round Christmas Memorial Ornament PERSONALIZED by bugaboojewelry:

Grandparents Grief

from Sherokee Isle  Wintergreen Press...

I am a Grandmother of six- four of them are living. I never for a moment thought that I would outlive any of my grandchildren. It doesn’t matter how many weeks gestation they were, or their chronological age. They are, and will always be, my grandchildren.

If you are reading this you are probably facing this very difficult loss. I extend my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. This “unique loss” is painful, shocking, traumatic and difficult to understand and integrate. As a Grandparent you feel the pain of your children and what they have gone through, and your own sense of loss. It is important to feel your feelings and allow yourself time to grieve in a healthy way.

Understand that the relationship our children had with their pregnancy/infant is very different than our experiences were years ago. This will help you determine the best ways you can support them. Keep in mind that today you can find out you are pregnant very early on, see the heartbeat through ultrasound after 40 days of gestation, begin a relationship with your “child to be” far sooner than our generation did. Dreams, hopes and expectations can begin before one even becomes pregnant. The disappointment and shock is overwhelming. Minimizing or maximizing is not helpful. Finding a grounded, compassionate place to love and support them is a challenging and uniquely personal journey.

I will share with you ways that I found helpful and supportive. I am a psychotherapist and believe strongly that I allow myself to experience life as it is. Joyful, painful, filled with loss it is all part of my being fully present with my experience. Pregnancy and infant loss is still categorized as a ‘disenfranchised grief.” This means that society doesn’t fully accept or support this form of loss. We have a hard enough time dealing with death after someone lives a long, full life. It is incomprehensible that it would happen before one has “lived.”

As a “disenfranchised grief,” people are often uncomfortable talking about this subject. Those suffering withdraw and feel separated from a society that does not understand. I acknowledge there are those who are blessed to have people surrounding them that will allow them to grieve, taking all the time that they need. At this time in our history, these situations are not the norm. Our hope at My Baby Angel Foundation is that this will change.

I don’t know your story or situation. I invite you to contact me after reading through our web site. If I can support you by simply listening, I will be here.

I can share with you what helped me integrate the two most horrific losses that I have ever experienced.

1. A friend called me after my grandson’s death and asked me to walk a nearby lake with her. She is a woman in her 60’s who suffered two pregnancy losses. No one knew of her losses, not even her one child that was living. Her losses were secrets in a world at that time that didn’t want to hear. My friend listened and held my pain and suffering without trying to fix anything. I will be eternally grateful for her friendship. Is there someone in your life that you feel is a good listener and can hear you without trying to fix you?

2. I reached out to a support group…Compassionate Friends met monthly. Anyone who has suffered the loss of a child/grandchild can come to this group. It is run by volunteers, not professionals, and they too have experienced a loss. I attended for about 8 months and told my story each month. It helped me integrate the reality of what had happened and to listen to the stories of others pain and loss. I was not alone in my grief.

3. Hospice offered yearly candle lighting memorial ceremonies. The names of the babies/children are read aloud. This was very powerful. I cried buckets of tears and let my heart open to my sadness and love.

4. I read every book I could find on the subject. You will find a comprehensive list in the resource section of our web site.Reading for me was another way to help me on the healing journey of integration.

5. I maintained my exercise program and continued eating healthfully. I knew both of these would be important to my health and healing.

6. I took action when I was ready. The action I took was to start an organization that could help the baby loss community and the movement I believe is afoot. Your action can be to create a remembrance, a legacy of love for your Grandbaby. Click here.

Taking care of me and my grief process was a priority, so that I could be more available to support my children in a helpful way. This will not be an easy road. If you allow yourself to truly feel your feelings there will be days of darkness, sadness and pain. Give yourself all the time you need to integrate this experience. If you give yourself the gift of grieving in a healthy way, a day will come when you will once again feel the profound love that lives within each of us.

Mother

Your mother is always with you...

She's the whisper of the leaves

as you walk down the street.

She's the smell of bleach in

your freshly laundered socks.

She's the cool hand on your

brow when you're not well.

Your mother lives inside

your laughter. She's crystallized

in every tear drop...

She's the place you came from,

your first home.. She's the map you

follow with every step that you take.

She's your first love

and your first heart break...

and nothing on earth can separate you.

Not time, Not space...

Not even death....

will ever separate you

from your mother....

You carry her inside of you....

 

I Will Carry You

There were photographs I wanted to take.
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies
Wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this

People say that I am brave but I'm not,  

Truth is I'm barely hangin' on,  

There's a greater story

  Written long before me, 
Because He loves you like this. 

I will carry you,  

While your heart beats here,  

Long beyond the empty cradle,  

Through the coming years,  

I will carry you,  

All my life,  

I will praise the One,  

Who's chosen me

to carry you, 

  

 Such a short time,  

Such a long road,  

All this madness,  

But I know, 

 That the silence, 

 Has brought me to His voice, 

 And He said, 

 

"I've shown her photographs of time beginning,  

Walked her through the parted sea, 
 Angel lullabies
No more teary eyes, 

Who could love her like this" 

I will carry you,  

While your heart beats here,  

Long beyond the empty cradle,  

Through the coming years, 

I will carry you, 

 All your life, 

 I will praise the One, 

 Who's chosen me,  

To carry you.

true friendship

“There is a twilight zone in our hearts that we ourselves cannot see. Even when we know quite a lot about ourselves-our gifts and weaknesses, our ambitions and aspirations, our motives and our drives-large parts of ourselves remain in the shadow of consciousness. This is a very good thing. We will always remain partially hidden to ourselves. Other people, especially those who love us, can often see our twilight zones better than we ourselves can. The way we are seen and understood by others is different from the way we see and understand ourselves. We will never fully know the significance of our presence in the lives of our friends. That's a grace, a grace that calls us not only to humility, but to a deep trust in those who love us. It is the twilight zones of our hearts where true friendships are born.” 

  

“Dare to love and to be a real friend. The love you 

give and receive is a reality that will lead you 

closer and closer to God as well as those whom God 

has given you to love.” 

The Wounded Healer

When we experience the healing presence of another person, we can discover our own gifts of healing. Then our wounds allow us to enter into a deep solidarity with our wounded brothers and sisters.

 

To enter into solidarity with a suffering person does not mean that we have to talk with that person about our own suffering. Speaking about our own pain is seldom helpful for someone who is in pain. A wounded healer is someone who can listen to a person in pain without having to speak about his or her own wounds. When we have lived through a painful depression, we can listen with great attentiveness and love to a depressed friend without mentioning our experience. Mostly it is better not to direct a suffering person’s attention to ourselves. We have to trust that our own bandaged wounds will allow us to listen to others with our whole beings. That is healing.”

-Henri Nouwen

Baby Dust

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

create. heal. inspire. kristin cook. | Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope:

'via Blog this'

God is the light that shows me the way,

for there is nothing 

that God cannot do... 

On Faith

Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future.
     It's  simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step.
                                                                   - Joni Erickson Tada