Annie's Birthday Gift

It's the middle of the night.  I wake up and immediately sense a change in the atmosphere. 

  I recognize your gentle presence and acknowledge it is our time to be together. 

I've decided that these frequent 3 am awakenings are when you come to me 

at the time you should be nested at my breast. 

Could it be that you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you?  

I approach this sacred communion with a profound reverence. 

From the depth of my being, I thank God for all the many graces I have received because of you. 

This night is special because it is your birthday. 

 I am aware of both joy and sadness because

 you were born still and quiet and so this day also marks your death. 

 The excruciating reality is that you are not here physically. 

I can't rock you to sleep in my arms, sing your favorite lullabye softly as
 I tuck you in your bed. 

 This is not what I had planned. 

Relunctanty I accept what is to be and rejoice for the very essence of you. 

I praise God for our little visits. 

 Each day that passes I become more aware of the gifts you have bestowed

not only to me but to others as well. 

It truly amazes me that one so small 
and on earth for so short a time

could make such a difference in the lives of so many.  You are significant! 

I have been contemplating how to celebrate your birthday this year.

A few weeks ago I discovered that there will be a brick pathway

at the Memorial Garden in the Baby Section at the cemetery. 

 We are going to purchase one.  Your name and date will be engraved. 

I chose to have a heart engraved in the corner to acknowledge

that my heart is where I can take you with me and we can be together. 

I can also leave my heart there with you. 
I am so excited that we will have a

place to go and commemorate that 
you did exist. 

It's like giving you a voice...   
I am reminded of Scripture that says,

 "Even when the voices are silent, 
the rocks themselves will start to sing!"